A new blog has arrived in town. (By ozzyfrog)

Hello again, dear readers. It has occoured to me that my recent writing epidemic is not going to slow down, I just simply have too many rants in my head. To give Caiphas some room to breath, I am starting a new blog called Ozzyfrog’s Rants. I promise you, I will not forget about this blog, I will still post on it. But for a little while Caiphas, this is yours to post on, so you can once agian catch up with my endless rants

I have written my first blog, I suggest you take a look, it’s called How not to react in a tunnel built by the Government. (Yes, the title does need work) Take a look at it on http://ozzyfrog.wordpress.com/.

That is all for now, adieu.

Come on kids, lets go buy an Indonesian piece of junk. (By Ozzyfrog)

Do not be fooled into thinking that there is no such thing as a bad car these days. The Proton Savvy is a bad car. The Dodge Caliber is a bad car. The Ssangyong Rexton is bad, along with the Chrysler Sebring and the Dodge Nitro, and the Holden Barina. See, I can rattle off one hundred bad cars that you can but today, but the question is, why do people buy them? I can’t imagine walking into a Proton shop, and thinking ” No, I wont buy the far better Toyota Corolla, I will instead buy an Indonesian piece of junk with an awful name”. Thing is though, lately, cars seemed to have been getting worse. Until recently, if you asked 100 people what the ugliest car in the world was, you would get 100 different answers. However, the world was suddenly united in this area as soon as Ssangyong released the Stavic. Never, in my life had I seen such a horrid looking car. I was walking home from school with a friend one day, and we both saw one at the lights. Both being car anoraks, we bolted as fast as we could until the danger had passed. Here is a photo of the Stavic, but be warmed, the following photo may frighten young children;

It looks twice as bad in real life. Then, just as we thought nothing could top that, Dodge introduced the new Nitro;

Bear in mind, the Nitro pictured above is the old one. The new one looks 1,000 times worse. It’s getting serious, more and more rubbish is coming onto out streets. Have you actually tried leaning on the headrest in most new cars? Don’t, it’s awful. Most seats now feel like they’ve come out of army jeeps, and just take a look at the tyres found on cheap Korean cars. Even Holden’s are beginning to be made in Korea. But he worst shock I had, was with Cessna. I currently fly a Cessna 152, a trusty old bird. However, most 152′s were built in the ’80′s, and so Cessna have released a new one, called the ‘Skycatcher’. It features a glass cockpit (which means it doesn’t have mechanical instruments, all are computerised) and it looks very snazzy.

Cessna152                                                                                                                                       Cessna Skycatcher

But, then I read in horror that the new Cessna will be made in China. IN CHINA. So sorry Mr Cessna, but there’s no way I’m climbing into an airplane that’s made in China. I’d be too worried that the door would fall off, or the Glass Cockpit will be replaced by lovely black screens in the middle of a cloud. So next time you climb into a light aircraft, just check that there are no “Made in China”stickers on it.

Stuck in a lift with John Howard (a true story); By Ozzyfrog

It has occurred to me lately that if you want to get rid of a fear you may have, the best way to get rid of it is to face it. I even have a little story myself to relate this to. I used to hate lifts, how you were stuck inside them and at the mercy of a few wires. The stairs, in my view, were far Superior to lifts (or elevators, as Americans call them).  A few years back, during the school holidays, I went to a computer game holiday program (as in we would be making games). And no, we did not use Gamemaker, but a rather good program that I have forgotten the name of. My game was actually quite good, an art that I have lost lately. Anyway, it was located in a building on Swanston Street, and we were on the 4th floor or something, which meant that I would need to use the lifts. I was not terrified of them or anything, just didn’t like them or felt nervous if they acted strange. The lifts at this place were very weird, you would wait ages for them to come, but once they arrived they would whisk you to your floor at 1,000,000 mph. They seemed to work fine, until the third day of using them.

We had just come from lunch, and we were returning to our floor. We all got in the lift; I was one of the oldest ones there, with exceptions of the people running the course, who were in their twenties. There were about tweleve of us, and the lift could take fifteen, and most in the lift were 12 or under. The doors closed and the lift rose for about half a second, then stopped and dropped the height it had just covered. All this happened in under a second, and then it did it again. And again. And again. We pressed the ‘Door Open’ button, but to no avail. The lift kept jiggling about like a washing machine, and I was starting to regret eating KFC for lunch. We pressed the ‘Stop’ button, and the lift seemed to calm down. Then the best part; pressing the alarm button. But unfortunately, sirens didn’t sound throughout the city, nor did a SWAT team come abseiling down the lift shaft, what we got was a ring like a doorbell. ‘Anybody home?’ was the line that came through my head. Then a lady began talking through the speaker in the lift. “Do you need help?” she asked. I thought then that the ordeal was nearly over, but it was just beginning.

To this day I don not know which was correct; that the lady was completely and utterly deaf, or she had a bad headset (or both). She could hardly understand a word we said. I have had conversations with teacups that were more intelligent. After about the twentiethth time that we told her our lift number, she asked us for the address. After about the 100th time we told her the address, she put us on hold. On HOLD. There are times and places were you do not wish to be put on hold, and being stuck in a crazy lift is not one of them. So we waited and waited. Luckily for us, there was a small screens in the lift. And guess who was on it? John Howard. And the weather. I was stuck in a mad lift, with a deaf woman helping us looking at John Howard and today’s weather. The situation seemed hopeless. Soon after, the woman with no ears told us to release the ‘Stop’ button, which was the only thing stopping the lift from going mental. We did, and the lift made a ‘whoosh’ sound and began going upward. Just as I said it seems to be working, it stopped and plummeted downwards. It felt like we fell about five floors, but it was probably just a few meters. It still spooked everyone out, and we no longer listened to stone ears.

A mechanic soon guided the lift upwards, and we wrenched the doors open to see where we were. We found oursleves staring at a concrete wall. We helped him guide the lift up a floor, until about half the lift was visible on the next floor. I can’t imagine what the accountants on that floor thought of us climbing out of half a lift. And guess what? There were no stairs on that floor (the 7th floor, somehow the lift had climber seven floors without our knowlegde), so we had to take the lift back down. Ever since that rather interesting lift ride, I have never hesitated to get into one. You never know, you might just be stuck in one with Kevin Rudd this time.

I think in the same way as John Cleese; Weird, huh? (By Ozzyfrog)

Firstly, you will notice a new theme. This is because of the large quantity of words I produce, and the old theme just wasn’t wide enough. Sorry Caiphas, but it is necessary.

Yes, I have been targeting John Brumby recently. It’s not that I don’t like him, I think that he is quite average as a premier. But he has once again said something that completely blew me away. He originally said it a few months ago, but he has now said it again and so I must rant about it. It is, that pilot training at Morrabbin airport should be moved to the bush because their are less people there. Excuse me? Did I hear right? He said that because flying is so popular at Moorabbin, it is a threat to the neighbours and so the airport should be moved to the country. This is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard, and I have heard this one:

Being a pilot at Moorabbin, I do have inside knowledge in this topic, and I can see no sense in it at all. Think about it. Moorabbin is busy because it is the best airport for flight training, and yet we want to move it into the country because its far away? That’s like putting the MCG in Alice Springs, so less people will go there, and there will be less traffic jams. Yes, but it sort of defeats the purpose. And he is getting it into everybodys head that light aircraft are dangerous. People near the airport have said that planes around Moorabbin have crossed paths “within minutes, sometimes seconds of each other”. Yes, that’s what generally happens at airports. How do people think airplanes can line up to the runways without ever crossing paths of another plane? It doesn’t work.

The main point of this is of course to move the planes away from near by residents, that are ‘in danger’. May I just point out to you that the airport has been their a lot longer than the neighbours. I reserve a special hatred to people who buy houses next to airports, then whinge about airplane noise. I have never understood what they want the airport to do about it. Make all airplanes turn off their engines and fall through the roofs of the neighbours houses? I don’t know. Anyway, my boring rant on that is over.

Onto a lighter note, lately I have seen some seriously funny videos on Sarah Palin. I have never, ever seen any politician as incompetent as her. I always thought of her as a parrot, simply repeating speeches that she has memorised, but not understanding them. And then I found an incredible video on Youtube;

Wow, John Cleese thinks in the same way that I do. Kind of scary, really. What do we all think; Luck, or something more?!

The Mighty Ozzyfrog is here. (By Guess Who)

Good evening all. For the first time ever, you are reading a post written by Ozzyfrog. That may sound a little strange, actually it did sound a little strange, so let me explain. No, you have not been reading posts from an impostor all this time, but I have finally made an individual account. And my god, was it a struggle.

It should have been simple, I make a new account labelled ‘ozzyfrog’ and simply add it to the ozzycaiphas blog. Ah, but this is where it all fell to pieces. When I tried making an account called ozzyfrog, it said that there already was one called that. WHAT? BLASPHEMY! THERE IS ANOTHER OZZYFROG??!! Luckily, there wasn’t. I had just forgotten that many moons ago I had made the user ozzyfrog when I was planning on starting this blog. However, because of a few reasons, Caiphas and I decided to have a shared file. But, in the very beginning I still made a blog called “Ozzyfrog’s Rants”, and this blog still exists. Although, I did abandon it and all it does now is collect inter-web cobwebs (HA, gettit? Inter-Web cobwebs, I’m so funny). So, I remembered my old username, but I had a problem. I had no idea what the password was. I tried every password I could think of that I had ever used, including the short lived “thechickenisflying’ password. But none worked. So WordPress sent me another password.

And yet, I still had problems. I copied this password into the login screen, but all I got from logging in was an error screen which read “cheatin’ uh”. I still have very little clue what this meant. I believe they thought I was hacking into my own account. Pfff. No matter, after clicking on the login button about a thousand times, and getting a thousand more “cheatin’ uh” messages, it logged in. Illogical? Oh yes.

Anyway, all is well now and still no views on Police, Soccer and Sony Vaio’s (hint hint). Oh well, just another unsolved mystery.  Until I talk to you next time, adieu.

Look out Kevin, those ‘Greenies’ are onto us. (By ozzyfrog)

As you would have probably heard, Kevin Rudd a few days ago agreed to cut down our greenhouse emissions, which is good. What’s bad is that he has only decided to cut them by 5% by 2020. This is a rather pathetic amount, and it would seem that he has severely under-estimated the green-headed of our society. They will wreak havoc on society soon, with their green shopping bags and horrid eco-friendly cars. We really need to do more, or we will face a threat bigger than Global Warming itself, that is the people who are trying to stop Global Warming. I sent my first ever ‘angry’ email to the idiots who chained themselves to a runway in Britain. Many flights were diverted and cancelled, which is silly really. We missed such a good opportunity to show the greenies who really is in control. They were chained to a fence which they’d placed on the runway, why not simply “test” out the firefighting services of the airport. We should have sprayed them with foam, and as they were chained to the fence, their contraption would not allow them to escape. Covered in foam, we should have dropped a cherry on top of them. Viola. A lovely, eco friendly cake. That may have stopped future protests from them.

These people may have come from the same gene pool as footballers. Why do all footballers seem to do stupid things? I mean, not long ago, one of them got run over by a tram. A tram. Trams are just about the slowest things on earth, so how do you get run over by one? It’s like being run over John Howard on his morning walk, although trams would be more painful. And Ben Cousins has finally been drafted. Thank God.

Moving right along, I have discovered an interesting phenomenon. Not long ago, in fact the night before Blumonkey’s party, I wrote a blog about the police, and had a game of soccer between Holden and Ford. And still, I am the only person on earth ever to have read it. I’m not blaming anyone for not reading it, I am just intrigued. Generally, whether you write about a new discovery in science, or about biscuits, you will get roughly the same amount of views. This is because no-one knows if your blog is rubbish or you’re the next Einstein until they have actually read it. And yet, this post has not got a single view. And, yes, I did put tags on it. Interesting. Just another mystery that will go unsolved.

Third post in three days. ;-) (By Ozzyfrog)

Wow. This will be my third post in three days, which for me will be some sort of record. The first post was about the police shooting, how Holden was losing to Ford and it was all confirmed in a soccer game. If you haven’t read it yet, take a look, as I promise you won’t fall asleep through it until your at least half way through. The second post was on Bluemonkey’s party, and now this is the third. Impressive, for someone who not long ago barely managed one a month (although it could be argued that my posts were better quality back then).

Anyway, to the point. In Russia, there is a rather large argument taking place about a certain trademark. A Russian man has decided to take ownership of the symbol , by trademarking it to his name. Interestingly, he says that he will track down anyone who uses it and sue them, and to do that I suspect he will need a private army bigger than Norway at his command. But, there you go, the symbol is his and so we can’t use it anymore. .

Although when you think about it, people have tried to take ownership over stranger things. The moon, for instance, has been fought over, and so has Mars. People have done stranger things in courts too. One man after falling asleep at the wheel crashed his car, and yet he is suing Ford for not fitting an airbag. A man once tried to sue God, but I somewhat doubt that he was successful. And what on earth did he expect to get from God? Money? Well, he would certainly be waiting a while for his cheque to arrive. Or perhaps he wanted to get it in Heaven, because he’d be dreaming if he thought he thought he could. “Sorry for suing you God, but can I please go to heaven? Pretty Please?

Moving on, if I hear Ben Cousins in the paper one more time I will employ him on my own football team, just to shut them up. Who cares who he plays for? Who cares about him at all? If you take drugs in any other professional sport, your career is out the window. But not in AFL, probably because if they fired all the thugs that played it, they wouldn’t have any players left at all. You can probably tell I’m not exactly a AFL fan, partly because I think it’s a silly sport. Who thought of making the ball oval shaped? Balls are generally spheres so the bounce well, but footballs bounce in the most unpredictable directions. Any why is it called football. Soccer is called football because you use your feet 99% of the time, but in AFL use mostly use your hands. It should be called ‘handball’, although that’s already taken. Maybe, ‘weirdshapedball’ or ‘NotasgoodasSoccerball’ would be more suitable.

Now a question to all my readers. Should I continue posting frequently like I have been over the past few days, or go back to my old method of only posting when I have a really good idea? Obviously, the less I post the higher the quality, but you will have to wait for it. To answer this, vote in the poll. If you know me personally, then vote and leave a comment. But remember, my posts are never short, so even if I post a lot, they will always be long. .

A short post on Bluemonkey’s Party (By Ozzyfrog)

It is my duty to write about Bluemonkey’s party I went to last night. It was good fun, and we watched two movies; The Dark Knight and Death at a Funeral. I had only seen the start of Death at a Funeral on board a Boeing 777 when I was sitting right next to the engine with dodgy headphones. It doesn’t work very well. The movie was excellent, but expect to see a full review by Caiphas. And, just possibly, that might have been the last in a long line of party’s recently.

Very briefly, as I must leave for Doncaster soon to do Christmas Shopping, have made a new sig(well, okay, I actually didn’t make it) , and for once it is not complete rubbish. Here it is;

That is all for now, as I really must be going.

Police, Soccer and Sony Vaio’s (By Ozzyfrog)

There has been much bruhahah about the fatal shooting of a 15 year old boy by police in the news, and the parents are saying that he was ‘just a scared little boy”. A scared little boy armed with knives, it would appear. Many are questioning the tactics used by the police, but really if you attack a policeman with a knife, then you can’t really complain if he shoots you. And anyway, we are no where near as crazy as the Americans. A few days ago, in America, a man had spun his Ute on the road, and the police came to investigate. He was shaking and not responding to their commands of “get out of the car, sir” and so they wrestled him onto the ground and tasered him. Turned out that he was in fact having an epileptic fit, and couldn’t comprehend what was going on around him. He was rushed to hospital and the police were left feeling very sheepish. That is America. Although I still don’t understand why the police need Hummers in the “safe streets program”. But that’s another story.

This blog has very little direction, so maybe I’ll move onto some car news. But first, I believe it is necessary bring up this picture:

Moving along now to cars. Royal Auto  has released the one interesting article for the whole of the year;  their car of the year awards. Interestingly, not a single Holden in a total of 12 categories could bring home a prize, not even the ‘incredible on every angle’ commodore. It would seem that Holden are slipping, especially to their main rival Ford. If I may, for the non car anoraks here, I will liken this contest to a game of soccer. Both teams are at the kickoff, and Ford begins it with their new Falcon. It tries to get past the Commodore, but the Commodore kicks it towards Ford’s defence. Ford has the tired Focus, and the Fiesta, but these run rings around Holden’s Korean Barina. A goal is scored against Holden. They kick off and the ball goes to the Ford Territory, the large four wheel drive. Holden’s answer to this is their (once again) Korean made Captiva, and the Ford easily goes around it. Holden’s last defence is the Vectra, but this simply puts the crowd to sleep and the brilliant Ford Mondeo scores multiple goals. End score is 3-0 to Ford. My Economics teacher once used a word against Fords which I shall not repeat here, but quite simply, Holden dropped the ball.

That’s all the time I have for now, I have just bought a new computer. Time to go and see how beautiful it is.

Caiphas Review

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Check it out at http://caiphasreview.wordpress.com/
Caiphas