The Mighty Ozzyfrog is here. (By Guess Who)

Good evening all. For the first time ever, you are reading a post written by Ozzyfrog. That may sound a little strange, actually it did sound a little strange, so let me explain. No, you have not been reading posts from an impostor all this time, but I have finally made an individual account. And my god, was it a struggle.

It should have been simple, I make a new account labelled ‘ozzyfrog’ and simply add it to the ozzycaiphas blog. Ah, but this is where it all fell to pieces. When I tried making an account called ozzyfrog, it said that there already was one called that. WHAT? BLASPHEMY! THERE IS ANOTHER OZZYFROG??!! Luckily, there wasn’t. I had just forgotten that many moons ago I had made the user ozzyfrog when I was planning on starting this blog. However, because of a few reasons, Caiphas and I decided to have a shared file. But, in the very beginning I still made a blog called “Ozzyfrog’s Rants”, and this blog still exists. Although, I did abandon it and all it does now is collect inter-web cobwebs (HA, gettit? Inter-Web cobwebs, I’m so funny). So, I remembered my old username, but I had a problem. I had no idea what the password was. I tried every password I could think of that I had ever used, including the short lived “thechickenisflying’ password. But none worked. So WordPress sent me another password.

And yet, I still had problems. I copied this password into the login screen, but all I got from logging in was an error screen which read “cheatin’ uh”. I still have very little clue what this meant. I believe they thought I was hacking into my own account. Pfff. No matter, after clicking on the login button about a thousand times, and getting a thousand more “cheatin’ uh” messages, it logged in. Illogical? Oh yes.

Anyway, all is well now and still no views on Police, Soccer and Sony Vaio’s (hint hint). Oh well, just another unsolved mystery.  Until I talk to you next time, adieu.

Look out Kevin, those ‘Greenies’ are onto us. (By ozzyfrog)

As you would have probably heard, Kevin Rudd a few days ago agreed to cut down our greenhouse emissions, which is good. What’s bad is that he has only decided to cut them by 5% by 2020. This is a rather pathetic amount, and it would seem that he has severely under-estimated the green-headed of our society. They will wreak havoc on society soon, with their green shopping bags and horrid eco-friendly cars. We really need to do more, or we will face a threat bigger than Global Warming itself, that is the people who are trying to stop Global Warming. I sent my first ever ‘angry’ email to the idiots who chained themselves to a runway in Britain. Many flights were diverted and cancelled, which is silly really. We missed such a good opportunity to show the greenies who really is in control. They were chained to a fence which they’d placed on the runway, why not simply “test” out the firefighting services of the airport. We should have sprayed them with foam, and as they were chained to the fence, their contraption would not allow them to escape. Covered in foam, we should have dropped a cherry on top of them. Viola. A lovely, eco friendly cake. That may have stopped future protests from them.

These people may have come from the same gene pool as footballers. Why do all footballers seem to do stupid things? I mean, not long ago, one of them got run over by a tram. A tram. Trams are just about the slowest things on earth, so how do you get run over by one? It’s like being run over John Howard on his morning walk, although trams would be more painful. And Ben Cousins has finally been drafted. Thank God.

Moving right along, I have discovered an interesting phenomenon. Not long ago, in fact the night before Blumonkey’s party, I wrote a blog about the police, and had a game of soccer between Holden and Ford. And still, I am the only person on earth ever to have read it. I’m not blaming anyone for not reading it, I am just intrigued. Generally, whether you write about a new discovery in science, or about biscuits, you will get roughly the same amount of views. This is because no-one knows if your blog is rubbish or you’re the next Einstein until they have actually read it. And yet, this post has not got a single view. And, yes, I did put tags on it. Interesting. Just another mystery that will go unsolved.

Where’s our Water, Mr Dudd? (By Ozzyfrog)

We like to think of our world as a logical place, full of mathematical explanations and scientists telling us how everything works. But in reality, the world contains so many mysteries. For instance, what is the car on Peter Gabriel’s first album? Why are Trams so slow? Why do multi-story car parks always smell of urine? Why can’t English teachers spell? Why is it that whenever three men get into a van the throttle jams open and the brakes fail? Why is Gordon Brown so grumpy? Why is the George Bush the President of the USA when he can hardly spell? Why does anyone fly on Indonesian Airlines when they know their maintenance engineers don’t know what an engine is? Do garbage men get bonuses if they knock off door mirrors? Why is Russia so big? Why are all telemarketers Indian?

Don’t bother trying to answer any of these, they have no answer. However, I have saved the biggest question of all to last. Why is Bounty still alive? In case you don’t know, Bounty’s are those chocolate coconut bars. I have never seen a single person ever by a bounty. Never. You hardly see them in supermarkets, and nobody chooses them over Mars Bars or Twix. In fact, the only time I’ve ever seen anyone have on is when they bought one by mistake. So how is it that they’re still around?

I’m afraid this question has no answer. It’s just another mystery in this confusing world. However, Australia is a relatively sane place, when compared to the rest of the world, and especially in America. For instance, why does anyone listen to George Bush? He simply got into presidency by cheating, and yet Americans continue to vote for him. Also, Americans are very clever people; they put the man on the moon and made the fastest plane on earth, and yet they cannot make a single good car. Why? Speaking about planes, President Sarkozy (leader of France) is thinking of buying himself and Airbus, after seeing Air Force 1 (George Bush’s plane). Wonder what he will call it. Maybe the “Sarkozy 1”, or the “BetterthanAirForce1 1”, or perhaps the “PutThisInYourPipeAndSmokeItMrBush 1”. Whatever he calls it, it should make America’s plane look dated.

Anyway, time to get to the point. Water. As you will know, we are in a drought and our water levels are low. We have 30% of our water capacity full, which is very low especially when summers on its way. And yet, the government is doing nothing. They are sitting around, concentrating on running the country badly, and just hoping the water levels will magically increase. Yes, I know they’ve given us water restrictions, so we are not allowed to wash our cars or water our gardens. Somehow, though, I don’t believe this will be enough to fix the problem. Why can’t they build a desalination plant? And i’m not talking about a piddly little thing that converts 2 litres an hour, we need something that can supply whole cities. Yes, they say it will take many years to build, but so did the Eastlink, and the Eureka Tower, and this stupid new tunnel that will cross half of Melbourne that they’ve proposed. Do they think it will be quicker to build it in the next few years? Whatever the reason, the Government is not doing anything, but this will have to change eventually. How low do you think the water levels will get to before they actually build something that gives us water? 20%? 10%? 2%? 0.000000006%? Place your bets everyone.